Marriage is a serious and responsible stage in our lives. This is the creation of our own small state called “Family”, in which, according to the will of the Almighty, the husband will be the head of his household, and you will be his deputy.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
«Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me » (Al-Bukhari, Muslim).
Ask specific questions
Communicating on abstract topics, such as discussing events in the world, will waste time that you could have spent on a productive conversation. Ask specific questions. There’s no shame in that. On the contrary, the groom will see the seriousness of the insistence on the nicknames.
How to know a person, his qualities, worldview, family, if you do not ask directly? And if the groom has serious health problems, issues with relatives, or financial debts, this all needs to be known before the nikah. Otherwise, there is a high probability of disappointment and, possibly, even divorce due to being ambiguous.
We are familiar with cases when a wife immediately after a nikah learned that her husband had a large amount of debt. So, she will have to start a family life burdened with debts.
If girls asked specifically about work, health, debts, family, they would avoid marriages in which they would face unpleasant moments. As you can see, correctly asked questions to the groom are the key to creating a strong family.
Don’t be flippant
Are there many who spontaneously buy the equipment they like, without first knowing about the characteristics, pros and cons. However, the search for an acceptable model takes a sufficient amount of time. Same with marriage.
We try to help you find a potential spouse, so we do not accept frivolity in this topic. If you realize that you are not sure of the intention to get married, then we will be glad to see you return to our site after a while.
If you are serious, then we have compiled a list of questions that will help you learn primarily about the religion and temper of the groom. Why is it about religion in the first place? Because men who are far from observing religious duties, most often live according to “their” laws and can allow what the Lord did not allow. As a result, they become ignorant people of a bad temper.
What do I need to ask my fiancé?
1. How many years has he been reading the prayer?
We are talking about the performance of namaz, and not about the adoption of Islam, life in Islam, etc. Because some people were born in a family of “ethnic” Muslims and believe that since childhood in Islam, but they began to learn and observe religious norms only recently.
2. How does it fulfill the precepts of religion?
First, we give him the opportunity to answer this open and voluminous question himself. If he finds it difficult to answer, then we give him clues: what kinds of worship he performs; How often where he learned about their correct execution, etc.
3. Can he read the Quran?
We learn about the degree of his desire for knowledge and the reward from Allah for the correct recitation of the Quran.
4. How often does the Quran read?
Love and longing for the Quran indicate love and longing for Allah.
5. What are his relationships with his family members (parents, siblings, uncles and aunts, etc.)?
- Allah ordered to maintain family ties, for which a person receives many benefits. There’s a lot of harm from breaking up that relationship.
- If he and his relatives can’t mend fences, how can he find common ground with yours?
6. What is his attitude to the requirement of knowledge?
- Does he seek knowledge of religion?
- Will he support you if you decide to gain knowledge?
- How and what will he teach you and the children?
7. What does “submission to the husband” mean to him?
Learn about his understanding of this issue and compare with your own: do you have the same views and understanding of this topic?
8. How does he imagine his attitude towards his wife?
Here you need to listen very carefully and, if possible, ask additional, clarifying questions.
9. How many children does he want to have?
We get an understanding of his intention, regarding the number of children, the time of their birth, etc.
10. Where and with whom will we live?
If you do not know in advance, then you will leave it to the future husband to choose. There were cases when the husband brought his wife to live together in one of the rooms in a three-room apartment. The other two rooms were occupied by 2 other families. The woman, who had not been interested in this question in advance, was in a state of shock when faced with a similar situation.
11. What does he mean by “providing for his wife”?
Let’s find out if you have the same views on this issue.
12. Will he consult with his wife in important matters (moving, major purchases, etc.)?
It will help keep peace in the family & will give you the opportunity to plan your life and avoid a situation where you suddenly have to give up everything and urgently change your plans, and sometimes life because your husband notified about the turning point for life after the fact.
14. How much time is he willing to devote to his wife?
Find out about the amount of attention he’s willing to give you.
15. Will he allow his wife to leave the house and how often (walks, to the store, to meet her sisters, etc.)?
There are husbands who do not see problems in the periodic daytime walks of the wife, and there are those who are categorically against the wife leaving the house. And it’s better for you to know about his view on this issue in advance.
16. Will he allow his wife to work online (via the Internet) or offline (in real mode)?
Let’s find out about his opinion on this issue in case you want to work.
17. How does he see the upbringing and education of his wife and children?
Let’s see if he’s going to educate his wife and children. This applies both to the teaching of religion and to the acquisition of professional skills that may be useful to a woman in the event of divorce, death or loss of legal capacity of her husband.
18. Who does he work for and who does he want to become?
We learn his real ability to provide for his family and his goals for the future.
19. Is he neat?
It doesn’t have to be super neat. The main thing is that you are satisfied with him for a quiet life.
20. Is he a hard worker?
- We will find out if he will make every effort to provide for the family?
- Will we find out if he will help you around the house in your free time?
21. What is his character: soft, delicate, courteous, harsh, rude, hard?
Maybe you will get the first impression that he is soft and delicate, but in fact in life he is rude and hard (or vice versa).
22. How does he want to raise children?
We find out what he says to the others when it comes to raising children.
23. What debts and obligations does he have?
- We will find out whether part of the family budget will go to pay off his debts.
- If he has loans received from banks, we will understand that this person is not afraid of the wrath of Allah, which falls on those associated with usury.
- If he has vows made to him, find out if he is going to fulfill them and how their fulfillment will affect your family.
The answers to the above questions will help to conclude: is the brother in faith suitable as a husband or is it worth interrupting communication.
We wish you to find a worthy man for the Nikah and to become the best wife for your spouse. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
«The best of your women are loving, often giving birth, submissive and conforming to their husbands if they fear Allah…” » (al-Bayhaqi).
May the Almighty help you make the right choice!