How to communicate via the Internet in order to create a family?

Our service is designed so that brothers and sisters in Islam can get acquainted without violating the provisions of Sharia. On there is correspondence between potential candidates, and this correspondence has certain rules established by Islam.

1. Before you start dating, you need to have a firm intention to conclude a nikah. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) instructed:

«The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended.» (hadith quoted by al-Bukhari and Muslim).

It is important to remember that the Almighty sees everything in our hearts. And if you start a correspondence just to communicate, for the sake of interest or out of boredom, then this will be considered a sin, not a good deed.

2. Communication, whether conversation or correspondence, between a Muslim man and a Muslim woman who are not close relatives to each other (mahram) is possible only in front of witnesses. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him and the blessing of the Almighty, warned us:

«If one (of the men) retires from a strange woman, then by all means the third among them will be a shaitan». (Tirmizi, Ibn Majah).

On our Muslim dating site, forbidden solitude between men and women is not allowed. All correspondence is controlled by moderators. They make sure that the letters do not contain playful hints and obscene sentences, as well as insults.

3. You can not engage in idle chatter. A Muslim man and a Muslim woman cannot be pen pals. Ask specific questions that will help you make a decision about marriage. It is necessary to find out the disposition, religiosity, relations with relatives, financial situation, place of residence, etc. A detailed list of questions for a potential groom we give here, and what to ask the guardian of the girl or herself can be found in this article.

Remember, you should write in such words that a guardian or familiar witness (a man) can read the correspondence, and you would not be ashamed and uncomfortable.

If there is something to hide, this is the road to the illegal. The Almighty said:

«Do not go near adultery. It is truly a shameful deed and an evil way». (Sura 17, verse 32).

4. Be sure to write your real name and answer the questions truthfully.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) did not approve of lies even in small things. He said:

«Truly, among the (worst kinds of) lies (include the stories of a man) that he saw in a dream something that he did not actually see». (Buhari)

Many do not consider it a sin to embellish a story about themselves in order to impress, but this is wrong.

First, lying deprives a person of the benefits from the Almighty.

Secondly, untruth can lead to problems in the future family and even divorce. Especially, this applies to health problems. For example, it is completely unacceptable to hide your infertility, neither a man nor a woman. The opposite party is obliged to know about this and make a decision carefully. After all, the matter concerns the future offspring.

A man must write the truth about his financial situation. Even if it's unenviable
A man must write the truth about his financial situation. Even if it’s unenviable

Also, a man must write the truth about his financial situation. Even if it’s unenviable. The girl needs to be given a choice – to marry him and together overcome difficulties and gain property or find a wealthier husband.

Fear Allah and remember, the Prophet (peace and blessings of God be upon him) said:

«He who lies is not one of us». (Muslim)

5. Do not delay the correspondence so that there is no affection or falling in love. If it is clear on the questions that you are suitable for each other, make an istihara prayer and proceed to discuss the terms of the nikah with the guardian and set a wedding date.

If you see that you do not like, or suit the candidate, immediately politely stop communication.

6. Don’t correspond with multiple applicants at the same time. Especially, give them some hope. It’s better to focus on communicating with one person. Find out everything that interests you and decide if you are suitable for each other. If not, then start a new correspondence with another candidate. Nikah is serious.

7. If in correspondence you were revealed some secret, for example, the interlocutor honestly told about his illness or plight, then in no case should you tell anyone about it! The Messenger, peace be upon him and the blessing of the Almighty, said:

« If a man tells you something then looks around, it is a trust». (Abu Daoud, Tirmizi)

Moreover, it is unacceptable to gossip and discuss your interlocutors outside the platform. Allah the Almighty has warned us:

«O believers! Avoid many suspicions, ˹for˺ indeed, some suspicions are sinful. And do not spy, nor backbite one another. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of their dead brother? You would despise that!1 And fear Allah. Surely Allah is ˹the˺ Accepter of Repentance, Most Merciful. » (49:12)

8. Beware in correspondence to give your contacts in other social networks. A person can write that, allegedly, in WhatsApp or another messenger it will be more convenient and faster to communicate. Do not believe! Such communication will lead to forbidden solitude, which violates the rules established by the Almighty and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). Or you can fall into the hands of scammers and marriage scammers.

Dear sisters in Islam, in no case (!) give your home address. If your pen pal wants to meet, give them your guardian’s contacts. Let them call, meet and agree on a nikah. That way you won’t get off the right track.

Beware in correspondence to give your contacts in other social networks
Beware in correspondence to give your contacts in other social networks

Remember that a nikah without a guardian is considered invalid. You can read more about this in this article. If you do not have a guardian-relative, because you are an orphan or converted to Islam on your own, or live in a non-Muslim area, then your whaliya can be the leader of the Islamic community, the imam or just a respected Muslim whom you choose. More about this here.

So, be careful in your pen pal conversations. Before you write anything, check your intention in your heart. Is this question aimed at obtaining information for the purpose of nikah? If so, feel free to write.

And remember:

«Whatever is in the heavens and the earth glorifies Allah, for He is the Almighty, All-Wise. » (Al-Hadid, 57/4).


Read also