Muslim marriage is widely misunderstood by many. It’s said to be unfair to women by some, and overly restrictive by others. But this is not the case.
Islam teaches that marriage should be full of love, respect, and kindness. It is a partnership, not a power game. Sadly, most people mix culture with religion, and that causes confusion.
What Does Islam Really Say About Marriage?
Here are a few references from hadith & Quran about marriage in Islam:
وَمِنْ اٰيٰتِہٖۗ اَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِّنْ اَنْفُسِكُمْ اَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوْۗا اِلَيْہَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَّوَدَّۃً وَّرَحْمَۃً۰ۭ اِنَّ فِيْ ذٰلِكَ لَاٰيٰتٍ لِّــقَوْمٍ يَّتَفَكَّرُوْنَ۲۱
Another of His signs is that He created mates of your own kind of yourselves so that you may get peace of mind from them, and has put love and compassion between you. Verily there are signs in this for those who reflect. (Qur’an 30:21)
This verse informs us that Allah made husbands and wives for each other so that they can live in peace and have love and mercy. Marriage in Islam is not meant to be stressful — it is supposed to be comforting, like a warm hug for the soul.
” خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي وَإِذَا مَاتَ صَاحِبُكُمْ فَدَعُوهُ “
That the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “The best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives, and when your companion dies, leave him alone.” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi 3895)
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said that the best people are those who are kind and loving to their wives. So, a good Muslim is a good husband.
Now, let’s dispel the top 10 myths — and uncover the reality behind each:
1. Myth: Women Are Forced to Marry in Islam
حَدَّثَنَا مُعَاذُ بْنُ فَضَالَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامٌ، عَنْ يَحْيَى، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، أَنَّ أَبَا هُرَيْرَةَ، حَدَّثَهُمْ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ” لاَ تُنْكَحُ الأَيِّمُ حَتَّى تُسْتَأْمَرَ وَلاَ تُنْكَحُ الْبِكْرُ حَتَّى تُسْتَأْذَنَ “. قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَكَيْفَ إِذْنُهَا قَالَ ” أَنْ تَسْكُتَ “.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission.” The people asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! How can we know her permission?” He said, “Her silence (indicates her permission). (Sahih al-Bukhari 5136)
This hadith suggests that a woman be asked before her marriage. Even if she doesn’t say anything, her silence is accepted as approval only if she is secure and at ease. Islam never supports forcing anyone to marry.
2. Myth: Muslim Men Can Marry Four Wives Anytime
وَاِنْ خِفْتُمْ اَلَّا تُقْسِطُوْا فِي الْيَتٰمٰى فَانْكِحُوْا مَا طَابَ لَكُمْ مِّنَ النِّسَاۗءِ مَثْنٰى وَثُلٰثَ وَرُبٰعَ۰ۚ فَاِنْ خِفْتُمْ اَلَّا تَعْدِلُوْا فَوَاحِدَۃً اَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ اَيْمَانُكُمْ۰ۭ ذٰلِكَ اَدْنٰۗى اَلَّا تَعُوْلُوْا۳ۭ
If you fear you cannot be equitable to orphan girls (in your charge, or misuse their persons), then marry women who are lawful for you, two, three, or four; but if you fear you cannot treat so many with equity, marry only one, or a maid or captive. This is better than being iniquitous. (Qur’an 4:3)
This verse tells us that if a man can be equal and just to more than one wife, he may marry up to four. But if he cannot — and justice is almost impossible — then he will marry only one. It’s an issue of responsibility and fairness — not an issue of collecting wives.
3. Myth: Women Have No Choice in the Husband Decision
The Prophet’s wife, Khadijah, asked him to marry her. Islam respects the voice of a woman. Nobody can give her out in marriage without her clear agreement. Her feelings are important.
4. Myth: Men Are the Boss and Women Have to Obey Everything
اُحِلَّ لَكُمْ لَيْلَۃَ الصِّيَامِ الرَّفَثُ اِلٰى نِسَاۗىِٕكُمْ۰ۭ ھُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَاَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّہُنَّ۰ۭ
You are allowed to sleep with your wives on the nights of the fast: They are your dress as you are theirs.
(Qur’an 2:187)
This verse suggests both the husband and wife protect and comfort each other — in the same way clothes protect your body. One is not greater than the other. Marriage in Islam is all about mutual care, not control.
5. Myth: Divorce Is Forbidden in Islam
Divorce is allowed if a couple cannot get along, even after trying to patch things up. Islam recommends divorce as a last option, but not a shameful one. Women can also request divorce through a process called khula.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) granted requests for khula, which shows that there is a way out for both men and women if things are really bad.
6. Myth: Muslim Women Can Only Marry Muslims
In Islam, religion does matter in marriage. A Muslim woman is supposed to marry a Muslim man so that they will share the same values. This provides a strong, peaceful home where both parents will support the Islamic upbringing of their children. It’s not about superiority — it’s about spiritual harmony.
7. Myth: Marriage in Islam Is All About Rules and Responsibilities
حَدَّثَنَا عَبَّاسُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الْعَظِيمِ الْعَنْبَرِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا النَّضْرُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ الْجُرَشِيُّ الْيَمَامِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا عِكْرِمَةُ بْنُ عَمَّارٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو زُمَيْلٍ، عَنْ مَالِكِ بْنِ مَرْثَدٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ أَبِي ذَرٍّ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم
Your smiling in the face of your brother is charity, commanding good and forbidding evil is charity, your giving directions to a man lost in the land is charity for you. (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1956)
This hadith teaches us that even smiling is a righteous act. That includes smiling at your spouse too! Islam would like couples to be kind to each other — to joke, laugh, play, and love.
The Prophet would race his wife Aisha (RA) and tease her. Love is not just allowed in Islam — it is rewarded.
8. Myth: Marriage in Islam Is Only for Having Children
وَمِنْ اٰيٰتِہٖۗ اَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِّنْ اَنْفُسِكُمْ اَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوْۗا اِلَيْہَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَّوَدَّۃً وَّرَحْمَۃً۰ۭ اِنَّ فِيْ ذٰلِكَ لَاٰيٰتٍ لِّــقَوْمٍ يَّتَفَكَّرُوْنَ۲۱
Another of His signs is that He created mates of your own kind of yourselves so that you may get peace of mind from them, and has put love and compassion between you. Verily there are signs in this for those who reflect. (Qur’an 30:21)
This verse shows that marriage is for emotional peace and not solely for children. Even though children are a blessing, even those couples who are not blessed with children can have a complete, happy, and blessed marriage in Islam.
9. Myth: Husbands Can Beat Their Wives
حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ الصَّبَّاحِ، أَنْبَأَنَا سُفْيَانُ بْنُ عُيَيْنَةَ، عَنِ الزُّهْرِيِّ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عُمَرَ، عَنْ إِيَاسِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ أَبِي ذُبَابٍ، قَالَ قَالَ النَّبِيُّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ ” لاَ تَضْرِبُوا إِمَاءَ اللَّهِ ” . فَجَاءَ عُمَرُ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ قَدْ ذَئِرَ النِّسَاءُ عَلَى أَزْوَاجِهِنَّ فَأْمُرْ بِضَرْبِهِنَّ . فَضُرِبْنَ فَطَافَ بِآلِ مُحَمَّدٍ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ طَائِفُ نِسَاءٍ كَثِيرٍ فَلَمَّا أَصْبَحَ قَالَ ” لَقَدْ طَافَ اللَّيْلَةَ بِآلِ مُحَمَّدٍ سَبْعُونَ امْرَأَةً كُلُّ امْرَأَةٍ تَشْتَكِي زَوْجَهَا فَلاَ تَجِدُونَ أُولَئِكَ خِيَارَكُمْ ” .
The Prophet said: ‘Do not beat the female slaves of Allah.’ Then ‘Umar came to the Prophet and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, the woman have become bold towards their husbands? So order the beating of them,’ and they were beaten. Then many women went around to the family of Muhammad,. The next day he said: ‘Last night seventy women came to the family of Muhammad, each woman complaining about her husband. You will not find that those are the best of you. (Sunan Ibn Majah 1985)
Some misunderstand a verse to justify abuse. But the Prophet himself never hit any of his wives. He told men to be kind and respectful towards women. Any form of abuse is haram (forbidden) and goes against all that Islam teaches.
10. Myth: Islamic Marriage Is Outdated
Islam teaches couples to have respect for each other, clear roles and responsibilities, kindness towards each other, and emotional intimacy. All these are things that people still yearn for in a successful relationship despite time and space. So Islamic marriage is not out of date — it gives us timely guidance that is relevant in all eras.
Final Thoughts
Islamic marriage is a beautiful system based on mercy, love, and justice. When we read the Qur’an and hadith, we see that Islam gives rights and dignity to both men and women. Let’s stop judging it by what we see in the news headlines or witness in local cultures. Let’s turn instead to the original sources — and spread truth, not myth.
Author: Dur-e-Sabih
